I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
