He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
