i don't like sucking hair
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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