i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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