when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
