and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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