THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
