How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
