She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We are all done wearing pants today
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
