She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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