what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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