He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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