I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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