my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
