this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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