Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
