I'm going to jail i love you
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
