Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
