I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
