omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
People in love make me want to vomit
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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