I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
