this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
