i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
