I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
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You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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