She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
