i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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