Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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