I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get the cat blown out
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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