last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
