I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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