i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
