I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
