so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I could fuck to npr.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
