while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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