I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
