Four minutes until I can fart!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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