Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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