I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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