There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
