fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
