I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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