i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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