i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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