It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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