Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
