I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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