May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
