i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
