dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
