woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
