sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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