I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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