Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
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How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
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A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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