I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
