Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
