When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
