Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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