God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Someone signed my nipple.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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