Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
