I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize