Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
