Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
