Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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