why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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