This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im six kinds of drunk right now
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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