I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
