Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.

Fav 38 900 1966
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(954): View more from Florida

I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.

Fav 38 3299 1181
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.

Fav 32 3842 761
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.

Fav 19 5445 782
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(208): View more from Idaho

when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"

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(618): View more from Illinois

When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.

Fav 9 3913 1533
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(702): View more from Nevada

I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.

Fav 13 4558 1535
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.

Fav 4 1013 575
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(671): View more from Guam

I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same

Fav 3 693 433
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