She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
