super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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